Chapter 1: The Day of Colorful Toes

On a beautiful Friday, June 24, 2022, I decided to indulge in a pedicure for the first time. Instead of choosing a single color, I opted for ten different hues for each toe. My long-time pedicurist, Alicia, chuckled and said, "Finally, after all the different styles you've tried, each toe has its own color today!" As she worked her magic, I shared the news of my father's passing and how my family has united during this time. Alicia reciprocated by sharing stories about her sons and clients I recognized. For me, a pedicure is much more than just pampering my feet; it's about connecting with a remarkable person who, while not a saint, embodies grace. She's passionate and stands up for herself when mistreated—something I've admired during the four instances I've witnessed.

Following my appointment, I strolled over to the post office to send a tax payment. Tameka, the postwoman, greeted me with a warm smile as I asked for her name tag. We exchanged names and chatted about cute stamps. When I picked some 'love' stamps, she joyfully exclaimed, "I love hearts too! We should hang out; it would be fun!" I was momentarily taken aback by her openness—a generous gesture to connect. I replied enthusiastically, "Absolutely!" Although we didn't exchange contact information, the warmth of her invitation resonated with me. I knew she wasn't perfect either; I had seen her respond coldly to rude customers on previous visits.

Striving to be a saint is no longer my goal. Did I ever aspire to be one? Honestly, yes. Growing up, I was influenced by a culture that expected women to be enduring and always smiling. I longed to be the “good girl” who was praised for her calm demeanor and gentle voice, who dressed impeccably and walked gracefully in heels.

However, I found myself far from that ideal. I preferred casual attire like shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers, and I embarrassingly stumbled in heels on my aunt's wedding day while wearing a flower girl dress. I nervously bit my nails, particularly when writing or tackling math problems—short nails were actually beneficial for playing piano.

I also laughed loudly and freely, my voice being anything but soft. I was outspoken, and while my opinions flowed more freely in my youth, I didn't quite fit the mold of a “good girl.” If being a saint were a test, I would have failed spectacularly! Although I wasn't thrilled about my shortcomings, I felt a stubborn pride in my authenticity.

The journey from aspiring to be a saint to embracing my true self was both painful and enlightening. It stemmed from a dark place—struggles with self-worth and an abusive relationship lasting two and a half years. Those challenges birthed invaluable lessons that shifted my dream from seeking saintliness to simply being myself.

Realizing that trying to be a saint was not for me led to a deeper understanding of what it means to be gracious. I found joy in being kind and courteous, and it felt right to embody those qualities. The goal transformed from being a saint to becoming my authentic self, which includes graciousness.

Graciousness brings me fulfillment. Kindness doesn't equate to passivity; sometimes it means saying no or walking away from toxic situations. Being pleasant doesn't require constant smiles or laughter; civility and politeness are often enough.

The most rewarding part of this transformation is that I'm continually learning what it means to be me. This journey is filled with excitement, uncertainty, and blessings, despite the occasional bumps along the way.

In this one lifetime, I can confidently assert: "Saint? I am not! Not even close. Gracious, without a doubt!"

What about you? Do you strive for sainthood, or do you choose to embrace graciousness?

A heartfelt thank you to Christine Graves for your encouragement through “A Word-A-Day,” especially for the words 'saint' and 'gracious.' Your inspiration means a lot!

Also, a special thanks to Ravyne Hawke for creating such a nurturing space with Promptly Written and to all the PW editors for their support!

A Word-A-Day

Your word-a-day list for June 2022

Chapter 2: The Soundtrack of Graciousness

The journey of self-discovery is often complemented by music. Here’s a poignant track that resonates with the theme of embracing one's true self.

Billy Raffoul's "I'm Not A Saint" reflects the struggles and acceptance of not fitting the saintly mold while finding strength in authenticity.

In another insightful video, the discussion on the transformative power of relationships highlights how even the seemingly unchangeable can inspire growth and graciousness.