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Finding Balance: The Art of Caring Less and Enjoying More

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Chapter 1: A Journey Through Chaos

In recent months, life has been a whirlwind. Intense training, demanding work, moving, and constant travel have filled my schedule. For the last four months, I've been on the road nearly every week, whether it’s for training, spending quality time with my girlfriend, teaching seminars, or competing. Just a weekend ago was my first moment of calm at home since relocating to Austin in July, without any competitions or seminars on the horizon.

As I sit here now, gazing over the stunning Amalfi Coast while sipping a Diet Coke, I find myself reflecting on the myriad of experiences I've had. The ADCC Trials in Poland last weekend saw me finishing in third place, which I hope signifies ongoing momentum rather than peak achievement. My focus is on savoring the present moment. This past few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions—lost, triumphant, broken, happy, and everything in between. It’s been a lot to process.

Despite the many wins and losses of this year, I find myself detached from them. While I care deeply about my pursuits, I no longer fixate on the results. My priorities are now more selective than ever, embodying the essence of caring less about certain outcomes.

“Output is important, but it only takes you so far.”

Section 1.1: Hard Work vs. Quality

My relationship with hard work has been complicated. On one hand, it has been the foundation of many positive aspects of my life—my Jiu-Jitsu skills, my writing, my relationship, and my self-esteem are all fruits of diligent effort. Yet, I’ve come to realize that hard work alone is insufficient; what truly matters is the quality of that effort.

To ensure I achieve the best quality in my endeavors, I have established certain mental benchmarks. When competing in Jiu-Jitsu, I accept failure only if I have dedicated myself completely to preparation and performance. Similarly, when writing, I find solace in the idea that even if a piece underperforms, I can take pride in knowing I poured my all into it. Losses are acceptable when I know I’ve exerted every effort prior to that moment.

Many people, however, seem to operate from a place of constant fear of failure, fixating on the wrong priorities.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Cost of Desire

Scenic view of the Amalfi Coast

I strive to minimize desire in my life. Excessive desire breeds scarcity, leading to anxiety and unhealthy attachments, which in turn can result in irrational behaviors. To put it plainly, strong desires can lead individuals to make poor choices—using or hurting others, or even self-destructive actions. This cycle is damaging.

If you yearn for everything, you risk ending up with nothing. However, if you focus on one thing, you might attain it—or at least something close—at a cost. This isn’t merely a choice; it’s an essential truth. Everything bears a cost, including joy, love, and tranquility.

While I don’t fully subscribe to the Buddhist view that all desires must be eradicated for true enlightenment, I do believe that managing desires is crucial for happiness and optimal performance. My experiences have shown that the best human experiences arise from a focused control over desires.

Chapter 2: Understanding the Grind

This week, while away from home, I have been inundated with inquiries about my whereabouts and future plans. Such questions often arise whenever I take a brief holiday. I receive messages like, “When is your next competition?” or “Are you returning to training soon?” The most irritating are those suggesting I need to watch my weight while I’m away, as if my time off is an invitation to abandon my discipline.

The deeper issue lies in the mindset people have regarding their lives and self-perception. The “grind all the time” mentality seems particularly prevalent, especially in American culture. This notion—that we must always be productive—can be challenging to shake. Personally, I struggle to transition into relaxation mode when I embark on a trip, often feeling compelled to work every single day.

Thus, my recovery periods usually still involve some degree of work—writing, hiking, or reading—but with significantly reduced intensity. To me, this represents true balance and is what ultimately brings me happiness.

Closing Reflections

While hard work is necessary for mastering a skill and improving one’s life, it’s equally important to occasionally pause and appreciate the simple pleasures—like savoring a delicious pizza, which I’m excited to enjoy tonight.

Life is about balance, and as an athlete, writer, and entrepreneur, I often find myself surrounded by similarly driven individuals. We all excel in our efforts but struggle to fully embrace moments of enjoyment. Fortunately, if you’re someone who works hard, the greatest joys are often closer than you think—you just need to shift your focus from results to experiences.

You’re on the path to peace, but it won’t be found until you ease off the accelerator.

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