Chapter 1: The Importance of Being Kind to Yourself

For a long time, I never considered treating myself with kindness. The very thought seemed absurd, as if I were talking to two different versions of myself. This mindset persisted for years, during which I unknowingly exhibited signs of mild depression, expertly burying those feelings deep down. It was only after a mental breakdown and subsequent cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that I began to understand how much I had been concealing.

In one session, my therapist posed a question: “Do you ever think negatively about yourself?” After a moment of contemplation, I said, “Not really.” She explained that CBT focuses on our thought patterns (cognitive) and our behaviors (behavioral), and for that session, she wanted to delve into the cognitive aspect. She guided me through some role-playing scenarios, asking how I would feel in certain situations. One example involved a man at a party who appeared disinterested while talking to a stranger. I instinctively believed that he found me dull and wanted to leave.

However, my therapist suggested that the man's behavior could stem from a variety of factors unrelated to me—perhaps he was worried about a sick relative or felt awkward himself. This realization hit me hard: my internal dialogue was often harsh and unkind.

My assignment before our next meeting was to become aware of how often my automatic thoughts leaned toward negativity, particularly about myself. Within just one day, I was shocked by how frequently I criticized myself. If I dropped something, I would harshly label myself an idiot; if something went wrong, I would internalize blame, even when it wasn’t warranted. I often crafted narratives about my surroundings, attributing every negative outcome to my actions while dismissing any positive experiences as mere luck or the result of others' efforts.

This was a significant epiphany. I returned to my therapist with numerous examples of my self-criticism, and we devised a strategy for shifting these negative thoughts to more constructive ones.

The journey of rewriting my mental habits was challenging, but I recognized that remaining in my previous state could lead to darker paths. I dedicated myself to identifying negative thoughts and reframing them. Questions like “Am I really to blame?” and “What evidence supports this?” helped clarify that many of my assumptions were unfounded. I realized I had the power to choose how I perceived situations—whether to blame myself or to acknowledge my worth.

It became clear that kindness should be my default setting. If I wouldn’t speak to others in such a disparaging manner, why was I doing it to myself? The choice was mine. I want to emphasize that while it was a choice, it was not an easy one. My mind often gravitated toward negativity, especially on days when I lacked the energy to combat it. But with time, I improved at recognizing and transforming these negative thoughts into positive affirmations.

Even now, I struggle at times; just recently, I caught myself labeling my actions negatively during a conversation with my life coach. She gently reminded me to reframe those thoughts positively. Thankfully, my self-perception has improved significantly, and although the negative voice still lingers, it’s now overshadowed by a chorus of positive affirmations.

Going forward, I am grateful for the coping mechanisms I have developed for those moments when old habits resurface. As mentioned in previous reflections, CBT equips me with the tools to lift myself out of negativity, and I find that I rely on these tools less frequently.

In the past, my perspective was clouded by negativity, often without my awareness. Now, I have greater control over how I interpret situations, resulting in notable improvements in my mental well-being. I recall being told as a child that if I presented myself well and treated others kindly, love would follow. I have carried this belief into adulthood; I strive to maintain a positive demeanor and kindness towards those around me. And indeed, I believe it has borne fruit—I am happily married with two wonderful children, surrounded by supportive friends and family, and even a loyal Welsh Terrier.

The crucial lesson I learned, however, is that I had neglected to show myself the same kindness. Self-kindness is not about vanity; it’s about making thoughtful choices regarding how we perceive ourselves and allowing ourselves the grace to feel and accept our emotions. Ultimately, this is what it means to be kind to oneself.

Chapter 2: Strategies for Self-Kindness

In the video "Being Kinder to Yourself," viewers are encouraged to explore the importance of self-compassion and learn practical tips to cultivate kindness towards oneself.

The video "Be Kind to Yourself" provides insights and strategies to help individuals develop a more positive self-image and foster a nurturing internal dialogue.