Chapter 1: The Journey Begins

This narrative chronicles our path from addiction to recovery, shedding light on the ups and downs we face along the way. This series aims to provide insights into a deeply personal journey, and while it may touch on explicit themes, it is intended for an adult audience.

Over the past week, significant changes have occurred while some aspects remain constant. Laurel has successfully maintained her sobriety for over three weeks, and I have also refrained from using marijuana for 21 days. I feel a noticeable clarity of mind and improved well-being. Although I still have vape pens and gummies at home, I have no desire to indulge and plan to give them away.

My memory and productivity have seen improvements. Sleep, however, is still a work in progress as I write this at 2:30 A.M. Despite occasional wakefulness, I have enjoyed over seven hours of rest for the last four nights.

Laurel has been sleeping well, although she is still on a quarter dose of a prescription sleep aid. Recently, she babysat our niece overnight in a location where alcohol was accessible. Surprisingly, I felt no anxiety about it. Her focus remained on our niece, and the medication in her system would make drinking physically intolerable.

I decided to refrain from probing too deeply into Laurel's feelings as she prepared for her upcoming therapy session. When I returned home a few hours after her appointment, I chose to ask about the baby instead of her therapy, and her joy in sharing the experience was palpable.

After dinner, we settled in to watch the last Dodgers spring training game, while I engaged with friends online. I noticed that Laurel, who usually runs warm, has been feeling unusually cold lately, which could be a sign of withdrawal.

The past week has felt remarkably normal between us. We've resumed our routine of neighborhood walks, evening shows, and our usual intimacy.

On Saturday, we had lunch with my college friends and their partners at El Cholo, a fantastic Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles. Surrounded by pitchers of margaritas, we were the only ones abstaining from alcohol. When I asked Laurel how she felt about it afterward, she simply described the experience as “different.”

Despite the normalcy, some things still seem amiss. Her recent cold spells have led to discomfort, and she hasn’t reached for her favorite toy during our intimate moments. After a particularly enjoyable encounter, I inquired about her toy, and she explained that she felt a pressing sensation that made her uncomfortable, even though she had used the restroom beforehand.

I reassured her that whatever happens during our intimacy is acceptable, and we could prepare by laying down towels to ensure she feels relaxed and liberated to enjoy herself fully.

However, I’ve noticed a significant reduction in her openness about her recovery journey. When I asked about her therapy, I received a terse “fine” instead of the usual enthusiastic response. This shift in her demeanor raised my concerns, especially as she opted for a hot shower, which was atypical for her.

Sev