Chapter 1: The Quest for a Perfect Marriage

As we approach July 1, it's time to reflect on love and elevate my marriage. I'm compelled to confront four significant questions:

1. How do I define an ideal marriage?
2. On a scale from 1 to 6, where do I stand regarding relationship satisfaction, with 1 being absolute perfection and 6 indicating a deep aversion to relationships?
3. How do I perceive my partner's thoughts on our relationship's standing?
4. What obstacles hinder our growth, and what personal changes must I make to enhance our bond?

The focus here is entirely on my personal journey; I cannot control my partner's feelings or actions—only my own perspective.

The fourth question resonates strongly with me. I recognize that I lacked a role model for physical strength, but I found an exceptional mentor in Steve Muhammad. Similarly, I had no guidance for being a science fiction writer until I discovered Larry Niven. The question of being a Black science fiction author remained elusive until I encountered figures like Octavia Butler and Samuel Delany. Thus, Steve and Larry became the ideal blend of inspiration I needed.

However, when it comes to relationships, my upbringing was different. My father was absent from my life after I was about seven years old, and I barely recall their time together. My mother never remarried, leaving me without a template for a happy or healthy marriage. Consequently, my understanding was pieced together from myriad influences, including literature and films—not the most reliable foundation. If your idea of street fighting is derived from a movie like Wild Wild West, you're setting yourself up for failure.

I learned valuable lessons from my first marriage, which sparked profound reflections on male-female dynamics. These realizations were transformative, leading me to find and cherish a partner like Tananarive, who came from a loving and intact family. She essentially guided me on how to be the partner she deserved.

This brings me to a thought: How different might I have been with ideal role models—joyful parents who genuinely loved each other and created a nurturing environment? Although life would still present challenges, the nature of those challenges would differ significantly. Instead of entering adulthood with misconceptions about healthy relationships, I would have had a stronger foundation.

The goal is to evolve into the person I could have been had I been raised in that supportive context. By healing my past wounds, I can ensure our children stand taller and face their unique battles with greater strength.

The "Soulmate Process" emerged from our experiences and studies, helping us achieve 80% of a fulfilling relationship. While reaching full perfection may be unrealistic, I believe we can strive for the remaining 20%. This means operating at a level of 95% or more.

This effort is crucial as we are about to face significant life stressors. Although these changes might be positive, even good stress can disrupt balance. There are moments when we look at our relationship, acknowledging its goodness, and feel a nagging worry: "This is when things often fall apart!"

This sentiment, while perhaps unfounded, serves a purpose. It encourages us to consciously amplify the love, joy, passion, and connection in our lives.

Over the next 90 days, I plan to confront my fears, particularly the fear of vulnerability. Do I really need to keep my guard up? What if things take a turn for the worse? Such worries reflect a lack of responsibility for my own emotions. I must have faith in my ability to handle whatever life throws at me. This period of introspection will reveal much about myself, and I anticipate only positive outcomes.

In the worst-case scenario, I discover my partner is unresponsive, indicating we may not be a suitable match. In the best-case scenario, I experience a profound transformation in my life.

The potential benefits are overwhelmingly positive. If the worst outcome leaves me unscathed, and the best elevates my entire existence, it’s a compelling argument for this journey.

So, starting July 1, I will embark on this transformative process. For 90 days, I will devote myself to making Tananarive feel like the most beautiful, creative, and remarkable woman alive.

I am excited about offering her this gift; she truly deserves it. I will be her Knight, committed to serving her as my Queen.

Stay tuned for what promises to be an exhilarating journey!

Namaste,

Steve

www.stevenbarneslist.com

Chapter 2: A Journey of Love and Growth

The first video, "The Summer of Love: Part 1 - Streator's 4th of July," captures the essence of this transformative season.

The second video, "#12- More Music & Stories: 'The Summer of Love pt. 2' August 1967," delves deeper into the themes of love and connection during this vibrant time.