Chapter 1: Understanding Vulnerability

Is the celebration of vulnerability truly warranted, or can we afford to take a step back? The answer is both.

Reflecting on my own journey, I find myself embracing various moments of vulnerability. From allowing my hair to turn gray to complimenting strangers on their silver strands, asking fellow writers for feedback, and sharing my own work, every act has required a level of courage. I've also experienced raw emotions in settings as simple as yoga classes or professional calls.

Does the thought of these actions make you feel uneasy? That’s understandable. This response highlights that vulnerability is neither straightforward nor easy.

The items on my list evoke feelings of vulnerability, prompting me to delve deeper into the meaning of the term. According to Dictionary.com, vulnerability refers to a readiness to express emotions or reveal one’s weaknesses, along with the risk of emotional pain.

So, who truly desires such exposure, and why are we persistently encouraged to embrace it? First and foremost, there’s a significant distinction between intentionally showcasing our weaknesses and simply being weak.

It takes immense bravery to acknowledge our not-so-pleasant traits, particularly for those who have adopted perfectionism as a shield—myself included.

I’ll be open and admit that I am far from a vulnerability expert, despite my training in Brené Brown's work, particularly her "Dare to Lead" program. If you're unfamiliar with her insights, I highly recommend exploring her books, podcasts, and TED Talks.

A reader recently prompted me to reflect on vulnerability after supporting my newsletter, so here’s my take: Only those who are perfect are devoid of vulnerability. But who is perfect? No one—not Jesus, not the Dalai Lama, and certainly not me, even after my relentless attempts. The same applies to you, which is reassuring because it means we all share our humanity.

However, embracing our vulnerability isn’t something that comes naturally. Instead, we’re encouraged to acknowledge it, to showcase it willingly, and to be prepared for the emotional risks that accompany such openness, as Brené Brown articulates. In my view, this involves revealing our true selves—the Self with a capital S.

A song once suggested that to be loved, we must first be known. While this sounds beautiful, the fear of being known without being loved is deeply unsettling. The prospect of rejection based on our true selves—our appearance, affections, and desires—is a risk many shy away from, and some simply cannot afford to take.

Shame acts as a barrier to vulnerability. When I harbor shame about certain aspects of myself, I inadvertently reject those parts, making public acknowledgment nearly impossible. If I deem something unworthy, I naturally anticipate rejection from others. I highly recommend David Bedrick’s work on UnShaming as a resource for overcoming this hurdle.

Navigating the challenges of imperfectionism, potential rejection, and shame presents significant growth opportunities for many. Saying “yes” to vulnerability often leads to what I call a vulnerability hangover—feelings of irritability, tension, and an overwhelming craving for comfort foods.

So, why should we pursue growth in this area? The truth is, your close circle is unlikely to reject you for your imperfections. In my experience, my loved ones have often responded with more affection, even if they felt challenged to confront their own vulnerabilities.

Yes, I have faced rejection, and yes, it was painful and disheartening. However, it became clear that those who rejected me were not part of my true circle.

If you experience a vulnerability hangover this week, drop me a comment, and I’ll provide you with a comforting response.

This piece has been adapted from my latest newsletter edition. To stay updated, feel free to subscribe. I send letters every other Sunday, and many have shared that they find value in my insights.

Chapter 2: Videos on Vulnerability

Discover insights from Brené Brown about vulnerability and the courage to embrace it in these thought-provoking videos.

Brené Brown discusses the importance of vulnerability in her TED Talk, emphasizing that embracing our imperfections can lead to deeper connections.

In this talk, Brené Brown addresses common misconceptions about vulnerability and how embracing it can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships.